I am not insane

MY HAIR IS ORANGE

Yes, that's right. The brown-orange water in Hell has turned my hair ORANGE.

I am not one of those girls who is all insane and picky. But I am telling you that the tips of my hair have turned a brassy, hideous orange color and I am about ready to explode.

I NEED to move somewhere sane... somewhere that Copernicus can run and play (What do you think this water is doing to her, after all??) and somewhere that I can take a shower that doesn't leave me blistered and cursing.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!

And now, since I'm guessing that rust stains don't easily wash out of hair, I'm going to have to get the orange parts cut off. And it was my goal to not cut my hair for at least another year, so it could grow long and luxurious....

Stupid, Stupid living in the city. In the country all we have to deal with is pesticides in the water, and at the very least?

Pesticide poisoning doesn't turn your hair orange!!!

Humbug.

Ho-Hum.....

It's the end of the school year and getting up off my big ol' lazy butt to go to class is harder and harder, especially when every prof in the place is only teaching in order to put in the time.... and you can just feel it no matter what.

I just feel... bleh. Meh. Phooey. I'm sick of work, of cold, of lectures, of TV that is bad and makes everyone have three heads, of being fat and not having the energy to do anything about it.... I'm thinking of having a light supper at the coffee shop around the corner tonight, in celebration of yet ANOTHER new episode of Degrassi. I'm addicted to that show. (No need to remind me of what a geek I am, thanks).

I think I am going to get fired from my job. Which would mean finding another job. Which would suck because I hate job shopping.

It just seems that every time the boss comes in, I'm talking or just hanging out.

Which I know I do alot of.....

My work is always done and I don't purposely ignore the customers too often... but the fact of the matter is, I've been there long enough to start hating it, and the only reason I haven't quit? Because it's such a close walk from my appartment (which I've nicknamed Hell, see below) and it's COLD outside. I know... Pathetic.

Why have I changed my appartment's name from 'my apprtment' to 'Hell'? The water is orange, let's start there. The hallways are boiling hot and Hell is freezing cold so that I have to put my space heater on almost full time. The shower, as of yet, is still trying to kill me and because of the red water, the curtain has turned red, and the color of my hair is changing, and I'm pretty sure that the water is the reason my skin is so icky. My fridge freezes everything and when I want a nice, cool drink of milk I do not want to risk my life on ice chunks!!! (Just so you know, I've had THREE decent showers since I moved in. The water is so hot, that no matter how you adjust the taps, it scalds you.)

And that's my whining for today.

Cheers!!

Well Well Well.....

No, I didn't ask, for the love of Christmas. So Cute Boy and I are, as yet, still undefined.

But I think maybe my neighbor is right... maybe we don't need definition. Maybe everything is perfect just the way it is and we don't need to mess with a good thing?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I decorated my tiny little appartment for Christmas last night. It's very cute and homey! AND I made a gingerbread house. WHich I plan to eat, all by myself.

Copernicus loves Christmas decorations as well. She thinks they are great to chew on and knock off the tree and chase around my place. I'd yell at her but I figure this is just her way of spreading a little bit of Christmas Cheer.

Speaking of which, I need to go Christmas shopping soon and I am a terrible present buyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dinner party turned out to be a house party, so it was very unstressful. I did wear thong underwear, but I avoided drinking any tequila so thankfully none of my clothes fell off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I APPLIED TO ANOTHER UNIVERSITY!!!!! Fare thee well, smelly school that I don't like and that doesn't offer a program I want!! (Hopefully).

If nothing else, I've, at the very minimum, taken a step towards making my life complete. Copernicus doesn't understand what I'm so excited about, but she's young. Some day, she'll know.

I HATE SNOW

And the ground is covered with snow.

Guess what kind of mood I am in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quotable Quote from BigMan:
"Just ask, for the love of Christmas. You've been blogging about it for weeks now"

Guess what that is in reference to? Yeah, that's right. I just need to ask the damn question. BUT that puts me in the realm of 'possibly getting rejected' and I HATE that realm almost as much as I hate snow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Project: Medicate Amanda is going well thus far. No shakes or other nasty side effects as of yet. No dizziness either which is a bonus because it's hard to walk in the snow when you're dizzy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cute Boy invited me to a dinner party on Friday. WHich is nice, and I'm excited... but what the hell am I supposed to wear?!?!?! I hate finding things to wear, lemme tell ya.

And that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Just some random updates because now I have to go hermit up in my appartment and study from now until SURVIVOR!!!

Oh, and P.S. Tomorrow I'm applying to the other university I want to apply to.. so wish me luck! I'm scared and excited at once.

Toonses.

Bleh....

I'm feeling like *that* again.

I'm not really sure how to explain *that* feeling though. It's like I want to just pack up and leave, give it up... or maybe ust go home and lay in a heap on the living room floor for a while. I'm probably not going to make it home again until Christmas. Part of me is desperate to develop some sort of positive attitutde to cope with, well, everything, and part of me is saying, just fuck it.

I'm trying to develop a plan whereby I can skip every class for the rest of the semester and, at the same time, not miss out on any pertinent information. Unfortunately, my antisocial self doesn't know anyone in any of my classes so that's not possible. And that sucks because right now I really, really need the sleep. I would do anything right now to just sleep the next few weeks away.

I feel really bad for my neighbors recently. As most of you know, I've quit smoking. Well, I dont smoke in the city but when I go home (once a month or so) I smoke. Anyhow, so in the city I'm not smoking.

Now, if you're a smoker you know that smoking is a powerful motivator and an excellent reward. For example, last year I had a system whereby I would study for an hour and fifteen minutes, and then take a fifteen minutes smoke and Coke break. (That's Coca-Cola, for those of you who now think I'm a coke-head).

This year there is nothing to do during my study breaks. So I've taken to studying for an hour and fifteen minutes and then playing my guitar for fifteen minutes. And while I've drastically improved my ability to play Pancho & Lefty and Mr. Jones, I feel that my neighbors are more than sick of hearing my voice screaming through the duct work. I live in one of those buildings where if the girl at the end of my hall sneezes, I can hear it. So imagine how they feel about someone like me, because I'm not here to fuck around when it comes to volume, lemme tell ya.

Urgh, now off to work on the dreaded co-op resume. More of the same... things like "what are your job skills?" and then I say "I already told you, I have none." And they say "How is that possible?" and I say "I don't know, but I'm livingfucking proof and for fuck's sake quit looking at me like that".

Harrumph.

Toonses

Oh yeah.....

In case you didn't know, this semester has been sort of roller-coaster-y for me, what with med issues, class issues, co-op issues, personal issues, and really just a whole lot of issues.

Sooooo I'm proposing that all my friends and I head out somewhere really cool and do something really fun in to celebrate the end of classes (coming soon, hooray!) and in anticipation of the holiday madness that is soon to engulf us all.

Sooooooo, whoever has ideas for a really cool event sort of thing... I'm game for ideas. I'm thinking of hitting up like a mazillion bars in the market area and just barhopping and letting loose... but not getting too crazy because I do, after all, still have finals to get through.

Toonses

Scientific realism.....

I CAN'T FOCUS.

I'm writing this stupid essay for a stupid class that is just STUPID and I don't want to write the essay, I'd rather be at home with my cat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cute Boy and I had another date this weekend. Well it was a few dates I guess.....

We had a really good time... I was really happy.... BUT (Oh please, you knew there was a but)

We STILL haven't had 'the talk'.

Will I have to refer to him as just a guy I go on dates with forever? Or, are we just at a point in our dating lives where 'the talk' is no longer necessary... is it time to just accept that the fact that we spend this much time together doing couple-y type things should be enough to establish us as a couple?

I dunno. I'd like to know that he's not wooing thirty other girls at the same time as me... although really I think the amount of time that is devoted to yours truly by him is enough to denote all I need to know... but still, some sort of officiality would be nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can't wait to start the application process for my new school. Of course I am scared and leery and of course there is the possibility of me not getting in: In which case I will simply keel over and die. I can't wait to no longer have to deal with the BS that this school is givin gme over a host of issues.

Thanks also to my loyal commenters for your suggestions and advice... who knew that there would be a bus on my campus taht would take me to the other campus for FREE?? You don't get better than free, boys, lemme tell ya!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Five days of the medicated me. I had a few glasses of wine the other night and yep, I'm medicated. Other than that I haven't really noticed a change in me: It takes weeks for this stuff to kick in though. So hopefully I will be back to my old self again by finals.

I have mixed emotions about being medicated. But I feel it is the right choice. For now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The quest for Scientific realism continues...

Toonses

Ick....

I hate feeling like an incompetent fool.

And right now that is exactly what I feel like.

I wish I could go somewhere and cry but I pormised a friend I would go shopping.

And then I'm having people over and then I'm going clubbing.

Tonight was supposed to be so much fun but thanks to the co-op person at my school I would really just prefer to crawl into a hole and die.

I feel sick.

I can't wait to switch schools.

The End

Changes Changes Changes

I've decided to drop the co-op program and switch schools and maybe move too.

Oh, and I started taking my meds again.

For example, I'm in sociology right now and I found out what a sociologist does. They work at statistics Canada. Which is not what I want to do. I DO NOT want a desk job, I DO NOT want to be in an office. I want to be in social work, so why the hell am I NOT in a social work program???

On top of that, I hate my school. I really do hate the school I am at so why am I still giving them my money? My school is "bilingual" which means, essentially, that if you're not French speaking you miss out on A LOT of opportunities. And quite honestly, I really do feel antagonized by the admin at this school, who are all French speaking and who are sometimes difficult to communicate with due to language barriers.

I'm applying to the other school in my city ASAP.

Oh and yes I was serious when I said I am back on my meds again. I wonder if they will give me seizures this time?

Some people don't believe in the sort of thing that I deal with every day: My answer to you is that clearly, you haven't dealt with living in my life and in my head, so you should shut the hell up.

I'm angry and I don't know why.

I'm angry at myself, I guess, for making all the wrong choices which led me to be in this ridiculous program that will take me to a job that I don't want to be in!! And for a host of other reasons but we'll stick with that one for now.

Being on my meds means no more drinking.

I hate not drinking.

So that's another reason for me to be angry.

Also, I have an essay that is based on some really abstract terms and issues, and I don't know what they are. So I'm blogging in order to procrastinate.

Urgh. It's cold and drizzly and occasionally snowy.

Perhaps while I'm moving I should check out Bachelor of Social Work Programs in warmer countries.

I hear Oklahoma is good.....

Oh, but I really don't want to move. Does anyone know how long it would take to take a bus from the campus of my current school to get to the other university in my city?? Moving is very stressful... I've done it twice now and both times were... well, sucky.

Toonses.

I need to update....

Ok, well Cute Boy's roommate just called me.

It seems that Cute Boy's alarm clock was reset by a power outage lats night. (The SAME freakin' power outage that reset all my clocks AND trashed one of my essays. So this much I believe to be true).

Cute Boy also doesn't get home from work until like two in the morning (night shift.... nuff said). So to expect him to wake up naturally after only a couple hours sleep is ... well, for me anyhow that would be a bit much.

So I guess I forgive him this time ... Cute Boy's roommate also said nice things like "Cute Boy is not an asshole, he wouldn't stand you up, he was upset about having missed it when he left" etc.

So I do feel reassured now.

I just hope htis doesn't become a regular thing. there is only so much standing-up a girl can take in a lifetime, and I've already dealt with more than my fair share.

Three cheers for Celibacy!!

But first, a quoatable quote from Ken:

"If he's dumb enough to shoot you down, he deserves to be shot in the foot and forced to walk home through a river of salt water"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A friend of mne just confided that she thinks she's preggers. That's all I'm going to say, in an effort to protect the innocent, but Eeesh. I had nightmares all night last night about swollen boobs and back fat, along with a lifetime of being roused from slumber to tend to a little person who is slobbery, vomitey, and poopey.

(And no, I'm not joking! Every time someone mentions that they are or may be expecting a child, I have nightmares. It's awful).

So, everyone together now!

Hooray Celibacy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name that tune:

"The desert's quiet,
Cleveland's cold.
And so the story
ends we're told"

Anyone??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got stood up today.

By Cute Boy.

I was pretty pissed.

We were supposed to meet for coffee today between my classes from ten till eleven thirty. So I got up and got all ready, and thankfully I decided to forgo the thong underwear since it was, afterall, only supposed to be coffee.

I got there five minutes late (my new thing. I'm always five minutes late now in hopes of not having to stand around somewhere alone. It's one of my things to be alone in public. It makes me feel like I'm going to vomit, so I try to make sure to be somewhere after the person I'm meeting is supposed to be there. )

I ordered a frozen hot chocolate. (Because I despise coffee)

I struggled to find a seat in the place, which was packed. Did I mention yet that I HATE being alone in public, especially when there are a hundred other people there and walking through the crowd is like being molested again and again???

I found a seat. Beside some old guy who turned out to be nice.

My drink started leaking. I went through the molesting crowd yet again in search of a new cup and napkins. New cup took forever to get my hands on and the napkin dispenser was all but empty. By the time I got back to my seat beside the old guy (who by this time was scared that my leaky beverage was going to swallow him up because the mess was THAT BIG) had also gone on a search for napkins. Together, we cleaned the counter and then proceeded to sit in awkward silence while I was being stood up.

Cute Boy called at 2. (Four hours after we were supposed to meet up.) Somehting about sleeping in and how he said he would call to confirm that we were meeting up, although I was pretty sure that the confirmation call took place on Monday when he was home sick from work....

So now what? Do I be all mad? Do I just forget about it? What if this leads to MORE stand-ups? What do I do then?

I hate dating.

I'd rather spend time with my cat. She is always where I want her to be, and if not, I can just pick her up and put her where I want her to be. Sigh.

Studying awaits me, gotta run.

Once again, I hate dating....

but first, a quoatable quote from Mallory:

"Holy shit girl! You're not even putting out and he gave you a toothbrush?! Day-um!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, why do I hate dating today? (And don't even ask me because Cute Boy and I have gone on another date but we still haven't discussed whether or not we are dating. For now I'm telling people that he's a Cute Boy who I'm going on dates with. That's fair, no?)

Because dating is expensive.

And I'm perpetually broke.

I haven't bought groceries in weeks. I am having major money anxiety. (But, I don't think I'm going to starve. My body can subsist on the 20 pounds it's gained over the last few months before I get desperate).

This is how I feel about boys (Cute Boy in particular) paying. If I could have afforded the outing for one or both of us anyhow, I don't have a problem with him paying. It's when I don't have enough to cover at the very minimum, my share of the outing, I feel guilty. And Cute Boy and I always end up doing a lot of things when we go out!

Like on Friday night, we went to like four different things. (Pub, Imax movie [how fun was that??], then dinner, then a club). And I paid the Imax but sheesh how much did he spend on other stuff?

And the problem is that I just feel like such a loser to bring this sort of thing up. "Oh, by the way, I'm totally broke. Let's spend the rest of our time together watching public television and playing with my cat".

Urgh. I need a better job.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Analysis of Scientific Though prof has cancelled Wednesday's class. Which means, I have all the time in the world now to press the snooze button. I LOVE the snooze button. It's probably the best button in the history of buttons. And this one ALWAYS works. I think that I'm actually going to set my alarm as though I were getting up for my eight o'clock class, and then just spend the next three hours pressing the snooze button.

Oh and what makes Wednesday even better? Cute Boy said maybe we could meet up for coffee or something. *Sigh* *grin*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Check out my msn group http://groups.msn.com/rockinred to hear the latest update on my cat. She's lost it and I have only myself to blame.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mommy dearest says that I should start back on my meds again.

You know what?

She's right. I've lost it.

You know what else?

I can't bring my self to admit that this thing has won over me yet again. I hate this thing that has taken over my life and even worse, I hate that I can't stop it from taking over. *Picture me cursing and saying a lot of swear words here*

But, I'll be fine. I always am, right?

Toonses

Can you see this, Berry Queen???

FYI, the Berry Queen may or may not be among us. I'm not sure if she can handle the technology... we'll have to see. If you're here, comment away BQ!!!

So, today is my last day in the Country. I'm sad to leave, really. But at the same time, I can't wait to go back to the city. I want to see Cute Boy again.... I wonder if he wants to see me? I want to get Copernicus settled back in and study for hours on end in PEACE. Because as much as I love life on the ranch... it is definitly NOT peaceful here.

The week went by so fast. Too fast. Tomorrow before going home, I'm going shopping with the ladies. I MUST buy three things: Two pairs of pants and a blouse of some sort that I can wear when jeans aren't acceptable. I'm thinking Suzy Shier... they have tons of cheap crap. I HATE shopping, urgh, and I KNOW I'm going to have to put this on my visa... even worse. Damn my weight gain, damn my inability to stop eating, and the fact that none of my good clothes will wrap their ways around my big ol' butt.

BUT when I get back to the city, that's it. No more eating for me until I've lost at least ten pounds. I'm doing slim-fast and I will, by God, work out five days a week. I don't know how I'll fit that in between work, classes, and studying for yet ANOTHER round of midterms.... I will though. I need to do something about this body that I feel so very, very disgusted by.

I can't take it any more.....

The deer gutting talk in the kitchen over supper is starting to get to me. Especially when the talk turned to the great debate over whether its best to tan a hide with the animal's own brain matter or to use some sort of synthetic tanning.

Aaaah, life in the country.

The good news is that we're hosting a tupperware party here tomorrow!! Hooray! I love Tupperware parties. Not that I'm the tye of person who can actually afford to buy tupperware, but the food is always good.

Speaking of food, guess how fat I've gotten?

Go on, guess.....

I've gained such an absurd amount of weight that the other day, while putting on my *stretch waist* tearaway pants, I broke the top button off of them. Then, to make matters worse.... they actually stay on without having the top button on them.

Yep that's right. I'm the fat chick who breaks the buttons off her fat pants.

Don't even get me started on the state of my skin.

Toonses

This is wierd....

Sometimes my parent's PC is letting me blog, sometimes not. Strange.

I saw snowflakes today. It was like a frickin' blizzard in my front year. It was terrifying.

Well not really. There were like five flakes of snow. For all I know, I've got really bad dandruff and the wind picked up, but it reminded me of snow no matter what it was and now I'm pissed.

I had a long drive to the city and back yesterday for an exam. (Which I think I aced).

I was listening to a CD that someone made me for a party this summer... the songs that really define who I am. I love country music. I just love it. Laugh all you want, poke fun until your sides ache... COuntry music is who I am. Alabama, Kenny Rogers, Toby Keith, Garth (I used to have a huge crush on Garth... )

Some lyrics for you:

"I feel no shame I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks.
No matter where I go I know my heart and soul's
in the boondocks" (Dunno who this is... love it though)

"If there ever was a reason
for me to get down on my knees
and if there ever was a time
that I could use your trust in me
If there's any way... That you could love me any how
If you ever had much faith in me
I could use a little now" (Trish Yearwood, I believe?)

"In John Deere Green
On a hot summer night
He wrote Billy Bob loves Charlene
In letter three foot high
You know the whole town said
the boy should have used red
But it looked good to Charlene
In John Deere Greene" (God bless Joe Diffy)

Sometimes I here these songs, and it just... I dunno. I love rock and I listen to a variety of music... I've even got Johnny Horton and Dean Martin! But there is just something about country music...

So, laugh away.

I'm just me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, we had some hunting success down on the ranch today. Big brother got a spike deer, other big brother got a ten point buck (Which is equivalent to the Suma Cum Laude of deer hunting, for those of you who don't know).

Clearly, I'm not the hick (I refuse to use the term redneck because it's actually a derogatory, offensive term) that I thought I was. The site of two dead deer in the back of a pickup truch just didn't do it for me.

But I'm happy for my boys nonetheless! Good shootin' boys!!

Hey!! It works!!!

Do you ever write things on your blog and then want to go back and delete them all? Like every time you mention a certain person on your blog, it's possible that this certain person will find it. And if this certain person finds out that you've been writing about him on your blog for weeks on end, he's going to think you're such a dork.

And really, he's gonna find out I'm such a dork sooner or later.... But a dork in the blogging way of being a dork?

I mean, I try to save my dorkiness for online, and try to be supercool and awesome in real life.

But still the fact that someone can be as dorky as myself online must mean that I'm at least a little bit dorky in real life.... And does anyone want someone they're trying to impress to realize that they are being wooed by a dork?

(If my incoherent drunken rambling could be considered wooing, that is.... which I don't think it qualifies for.....)

Crap.

Now I'm nervous.

So, I'll go have some of my brother's birthday cake. Aaaahh, three birthdays in a week. I love cake.

Ack!!!

So, home for a week! It's grand, lemme tell ya. However, my home computer seems to be having some issues with blogspot and won't let me blog!!! So I came to the big city today to write an exam and I thought, I must blog while I have the chance!!

Aaaah, babies are so much fun. My little neice is just absolutely precious. And my sister in law is wonderful enough to give us hourly updates on what she finds in the little darling's diapers. Yep that's right. I'm skippnig class to hear hourly poop updates.

Oh, and by the way, there is such a thing as projectile poop. I know this because I had some shot at me while changing the young princess's diaper the other day.

It's a good thing this kid is so darn cute.

I tried calling Cute Boy today to see if he would want to grab some lunch or something.... seeing as how I'm in the city and all. I talked to his roommate who said to call back at three... well I'm really not going to sit in the city for three hours waiting to hear if this boy may or may not want to go for lunch, but it made me wonder:

If Cute Boy was supremely interested, wouldn't his roommate know about it? And then, wouldn't his roommate know that he should wake up Cute Boy if I call? Like, if I was that important? Do you think that Cute Boy is Just Not That Into Me???? The Horror of it all. I need a drink.

On another note, I was reading the book It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken and quite frankly I hate breaking up! It is so sad when it happens! ANd I've been dumped by some of the biggest losers walking this earth and it still sucks to get dumped. And the other thing is that, quite frankly, I really like Cute Boy!!! But the thought of getting dumped, yet again? It really makes me wonder, is this somehting I really want? (And of course there is always the bigger question: Are Cute Boy and I even at a point where it is possible for me to get dumped??)

And quit calling me negative!!! I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic.

In other news, Cute Boy and I went to a party the other night.

*sigh*

He met some of my good buddies and said he had a really good time. I hope he wasn't lying because I would love it if he liked my friends.

*sigh*

So now I'm going to head back to the country. LIving in a house with three cats, three dogs, an infant and a preschooler, three women and three men is certanily interesting. Oddly enough, no fistfights have yet broken out over who has been drinking whose beer.

Aaaah, family harmony. I love it.

Ooops, forgot to say:

AAAAAEEEEEIIIIIIIIII!!!!

(Oh come on, I have another hot date tomorrow. You knew it was coming.)


Much Love,

Toonses

Sigh......

Cute Boy did not call last night. Well, I didn't really expect him to, he doesn't need to call every single day.

I was just thinking you were dying to know.

But I had a long convo with someone else last night, and it made me wonder. Do I really want to get involved in this whole dating thing again? Because really, I hate dating. It's awkward, strange, unnatural.... and it always ends with me laying on the living room floor in a heap in a half-drunken stupor. (As a side note, I was discussing breakups with my neighbor last night, and she says that she does the same thing... so no, I'm not the only person in the world who is that pathetic, thankyouverymuch)

Ugh..... I hate dating!!! So why am I doing this to myself!! (Probably because Cute Boy is so darn cute. Ugh....)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Five Years Ago Today (A Story By The Toonse Brigade)

Five years ago today, I was sitting in Accounting Class with my friend Mary. I was so excited and alert and just Desperate to meet the new little boy in my family. I wasn't doing any work and was probably being really distracting and at one point someone asked me "Why didn't you just skip school today?" ANd I'm still wondering the same thing, to this day. What the hell was I doing in accounting class???

My mom finally came to pick me up at school. We drove to the hospital and there was, of course, my brother, his wife, my dad..... and a precious little baby.

He was just perfect. I got to hold him for quite some time and at one point he opened his big blue eyes and looked at me. It was like he was saying "You're my Auntie forever and for always, and from this day forward I will make it my duty to torment your cat, strew your clean laundry about the house, and wake you every time you may have a chance to sleep in. At the same time I will say cute things that will melt your heart and entertain your friends endlessly with my antics. Oh, and sometimes I'll climb into your bed early in the morning and me, your cat, and you can cuddle for hours". Then he closed his teeny tiny little eyes and went back to sleep.

Now that nine pound bundle of joy weighs a little over fifty pounds, loves John Deere and Spiderman, and reading about the Berenstein Bears.

Where has all the time gone?

Happy Birthday Precious Boy!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now to go home and study before going to order someone a special Spiderman Cake!! I'm so excited...... but I don't know if he likes chocolate or vanilla.

Dammit. You'd think I'd know the kid better than that.

Job qualifications?

I have no job skills.

I went to a co-op meeting to day about making a resume. You need to put your job skills down and quite frankly I don't have any. There are tons of other people in the program who have experience in School Council, volunteering places, etc. Well I've never really had the time for that sort of thing between work and school. I have no job skills.

I can shovel shit with the best of them and change diapers like there is no tomorrow.... I can serve customers and tear apart pallets at a rate of 23 per hour, five above the set rate of the plant I worked at. I can slice deli meats and pump gas and work the cash at the corner store, and make subs and mop floors and quite frankly, what the hell does all that mean to the city slicker desk-sitting chick behind the counter when I go for my interviews in this program? She probably doesn't know what a cow is, let alone why it is important to create and manage their feed rations on a monthly basis. (Well, my dad always createdthe rations..... but you know what i mean).

What was I thinking? I don't even know what a sociologist does, let alone possess the skills that are required to be one.

Which all makes me wonder, what is a country mouse like me doing in this big city? Shouldn't I be back at home where there are things that I know how to do????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cute Boy called last night. He really had nothing to say. I think it was the sweetest thing in the world. It's like saying "I was thinking about you, that's all".

Unless, of course, he was calling to break up with me and at the last minute lost his nerve and just ended up saying not too much of anything at all. Hmmmm.

But, he did agree to go to a social gathering with me this weekend, so perhaps that is unlikely.

ANd, I still haven't determined whether or not we're seeing each other, dating, just hanging out, etc; nor have I figured out if, if he doesn't want to see me any more, that qualifies as a dumping.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cryptic post yesterday? Yeah.

Well soemtimes shit happens out of the blue that leaves you initially feeling like you're going to explode with excitement. But then you come to the realization that there are so many better things to be excited about... like samosas and beer, and cute boys who know when to call. *grin* I really like him, can you tell?

Sigh. I'm fine.

Holy Crap.

All I have to say is, Oh My WORD. Oh my fucking WORD.

Shit. I don't know how or why I get myself into the situations that I do, but Geez. This is ridiculous.

Something so absoultely stunning just happened that, for the first time in history, I am speechless.

I am now going to go cry for the next three hours and I do not want to be A) interrupted or B) told how pathetic it is to cry for no reason for hours on end.