Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Players: Part One: Mal

I've decided to start my list of The Players with Mal for a variety of reasons. For one, she is a major player in my life. For another, I have spent a vast amount of time inebriated on her couch. And since I am slightly inebriated and on her couch right now, I thought HEY! What better time!

Malchin: [mal-chin] (noun, proper)
1. Best friend
2. Person you turn to when everything in your life has turned to crap
3. Person you laugh with when everything in your life has become hilarious
4. Person who lets you sleep on her couch when there is no other place in the world you'd rather sleep
5. Person you go to weddings with because, as per usual, you just don't have a date

Mallory and I have been friends for five years. When things started out, we were just two girls in a new city, meeting up at random parties. We worked together at The SubShack, that place I worked my way through university.

After first year, Mal and I were not really tight friends. I was preparing for my second year, not sure what day classes started on, and in the depths of Hell assembling furniture. I decided to take a break on my balcony and Mal was walking down the street.

So, I yelled out to her, and we exchanged phone numbers, determined what the first day of class was, and carried on with our lives. Later in the year, I got a kitten named Copernicus and she took Copernicus' sister for her roommate. After that, we arranged playdates for the kittens so that they would not lose touch with their familial heritage. This would define second year of university.

During my third year, my hardest year at school, Mal became My Person.

Third year was difficult for a variety of factors. My grandfather passed away after a long and difficult illness. Shortly therafter, my brother went to Afghanistan for the third time. My student loans did not come in, I was taking an inordinate number of classes at school. My roommate situation was abhorrent, my living situation was worse. I began to spiral into a very scary place and throughout it all, Mal was there.

During this time, Mal and I would meet up at her house or mine and eat food, drink booze, smoke cigarettes, and just exist. I liked the existing the most.

I disappeared for a month during my third year because I needed to get healthy again, and I will always remember the phone call Mal made to me, way out in the country. Where had I gone? What was I doing? When would I be back? a long list of "I don't knows" followed.

Eventually I made my return. I will always remember the first night I spent sleeping on her couch, catching up on homework that was long past overdue. So too will I always cherish the nights we spent drinking copious amounts of alcohol, giggling ridiculously at the movies and shows we watched together. These activities always took place on her couch. Free Willy, Reba McEntire, Borat, and an entire series of horror movies. We watched, we drank, we laughed together. One time we practiced shooting chewed up gum balls at a pizza box. We even drew a target on it. I've no idea who won, but it sure was a fun night.

I don't think it is possible to summarize five years' worth of friendship in one post. I could go on for hours about the drunken shenanigans, the nights sitting up late and talking about the things that scare us most. I've told Mal everything. Everything a person could know about another person.

During my third year, my mother bought me new Doc Martens. And as they broke in, they caused me to bleed and blister. I persevered and got an infection in my heel. I hate foot things, all things related to feet. I hate them. And my foot had something wrong with it. So Mal and I drank three bottles of Boone's, that delicious wine that is actually just pop with liquor in it, and I confessed to her that I had a hideous infection in my right heel.

So Mal did the only thing a true friend would do: She got out her tweezers, some antiseptic, some Tiger Balm ointment, and some bandaids. I screamed the entire time.

And then she began to dig infectious nast out of my right heel. We agreed on that night that our friendship had reached the ultimate level, and that we were sure friends for life.

Years after that, I incurred a workplace related injury. I can't discuss the nature of my work, but I can say that I do get bitten on occasion. And on this occasion, my left nipple had been bitten through three layers of clothing. And it was BLEEDING. I had no one to turn to and nowhere to go and I was sure that my nipple would get gangrene and fall off. And again, in an inebriated state, Mal was there to assist in the bandaging of my left boob to ensure that it would not fall victim to gangrene. Again we agreed that our friendship had reached the ultimate level.

A year after that, and we keep on finding new heights to our friendship. We keep on finding that place that outreaches all the other places of friendship and bringing it to a new level.

Mal and I did not talk for three months during the spring of 2009. I have to say that these were three very difficult and unhappy months. I kept on having random thoughts that I wanted to text to someone, and I had no one to text them to. I kept on wanting to have Fat Kids Night, and I had no one to be a Fat Kid with. I kept on thinking that I should do something to remedy the situation...

We began talking again and OH MY GOD, life became worth living once more. It was slow progress at first, but eventually, there we were. Eating too much food, drinking too much booze, and talking too late into the night. A life of excesses, we lead.

No more than ten cigarette burns into an old, borrowed couch. Countless nights of drunken debauchery. Countless men who haven't been worth our time, but to whom we've given our time nonetheless. Years of late night giggling, family functions, dating insanity, trauma and glory.

Here we are. This is Malchin. She calls me Mantis. (As in, bites the heads off of men. That's right. That's what she calls me). This is our friendship, defined by Cosmopolitans, beer, wine, Boone's, Peter Jackson, too much information, too much familial involvement: and the result of all of this is us.

This, Dear Blog, is Mal.



Anonymous Jummy said...

When I read My Person, I thought of Grey's and I was hooked on your story. It sure does sound like Mal is a friend for life.

Does she read your blog?

2:16 p.m.  
Blogger Amanda said...

I do believe she checks in from time to time but is not a regular reader. She did read and approve this post before I posted it as I generally think it is proper etiquette to inform someone if you are putting much info about them on the internet.

I do hope we are friends for life!

1:48 a.m.  

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