Finally, someone has it right....
This Simmel Character has it all right. According to him, people develop a matter-of-fact attitude when living in the city. Money and intellect dominate decisions, rather than community and caring attitudes. We cope with life in the city by finding a small group with the characteristics of a rural community because of all the stimulation and stress we are forced to deal with each day. The point that hit the hardest for me was this: The city suppresses our spirit so we form and structure our lives to keep that from happening.
Wha'ts really funny to me is that these are the things I've noticed since I've been here. The fact that people refuse to make eye contact when you walk down the street, the fact that people refuse to make eye contact or say hello when you sit beside them in an auditorium.
At first I took all these things really personally. I figured that I had hick written all over me and that's why no one would talk to me and why I'm so alone here. Surrounded, quite literally, by a million people, and completely alone.
It all makes sense though. People are exhausted from the sheer number of others they are surrounded by. No one has the time, energy, or patience to say hello or lend a smile simply bcause they are pissed about all the other issues they face each day. Traffic, noise, smog, etc.
Finding a small group that will act as a small rural community is interesting to me. My favorite pseudo-brother has a really wildly diverse group that he hangs out with. I've met and hung out with them quite a few times. They do everything together, this group. I've always wondered how or why such a group came together. Really, they have people from East India, my favorite and most lovely Nigerian lady, a few pasty white folks, people from all areas of Asia, Egypt, and probably a whole bunch of other places. They all have different jobs and interests and stuff like that. But they are together all the time. I guess, like everyone else, each of these members of the group are just looking for that sense of community that I so took for granted my first twenty years.
I'm going home soon. I hate living here in a way that I can't really describe. No one seems happy. Even the snow is not right. It's more like brown slush. I don't hate it in the way that I lay in bed sobbing and wanting to go back home though. It's more like a quietly resigned way of hating. Like, I can accept that I'm here for school and that sort of thing. But facing the rest of my life here is laughable.
But you know what the good thing is? I know all this now, that some day happiness will find me, and I'll be completely happy and that's exciting.
So, don't feel bad. I'm not unhappy in the real sense. Because really, I'm happy that I know that some day I'll be happy.