Well, It Took Some Time...

I managed to stop crying over my financial situation and I am now actively pursuing solutions. I'm not sure what those solutions are but there has to be one out there somewhere.

I'm getting my tires changed today which has been a source of anxiety since before spring began. The tires I managed to get with my car are perhaps the sexiest tires I've owned in my life. I've been upset that I've been driving on them all this time in the good weather (which is laughable to say because the weather here has been anything but good) an perhaps destroying some of their sexiness.

But I just have not had the seventy bucks to get them changed over. Where do you ge seventy dollars where seventy dollars does not exist?

Where do you get nine hundred dollars where the nine hundred dollars does not exist?

And how on Earth am I going to deal with taxes next year?

I was discussing this with a friend over the weekend, like, what if I just don't pay? What will they do to me? Is there a way for me to prove that I simply don't have the money? If I do that, will they let me off the hook?

Will they send me to jail? Is that an option? Because, I'll totally go. I'm willing to do some jail time in return for money I don't have. I mean, lots of people can do weekend sentences for all kinds of crimes, right? Why not let me take advantage of this?

My friend doesn't think jail time is an option.

Neither does my mother.

When I finally do get around to calling the tax people about the money I owe them, you can bet your ass I'm gonna ask.

On Being Broke

Tax season has come and gone. I would usually choose to end this statement with some sort of other statement relating to how this has made me feel, but I will tell you a story instead.

Last year, I did my taxes. Mr. Tax Man gave me back almost five thousand dollars. I don't know if you've ever received five thousand dollars out of the woodwork before, but this is a mighty nice thing to get.

During that visit with Mr. Tax Man, he told me "If you make the same amount next year, you'll get close to the same return." I have since made it my goal to make the same amount as I made last year so that I could receive an additional five thousand dollars.

My new job leaves much to be desired in the way of finances, but I did work enough at other jobs over the year to compensate. I was hoping for an amount at least close to what I got last year. Like, within fifteen hundred dollars of what I got last year in the form of tax returns.

On Friday, I called my mother to see what my return would be and she told me I ended up oweing nine hundred dollars.

I did the only thing I could think of at that point and I went to my car and I wept until I thought I would throw up in my new car.

Through Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I have continued on in much the same fashion. I've now gone to two different accountants and as a result of this?

Right.

I've been weeping to the point of convulsion. Three times on Saturday, while I was driving back and forth from the city, I almost had to stop my car. I haven't cried this hard over anything in a long time.

I am on the brink of financial ruin. If this financial ruin was due to my penchant for Starbucks and name brand blue jeans, I would blame myself. But over the past months as my financial reality has sunk in, I have completely cut out the extras in my life. I do not dine out, I severely limit my beer intake. I do not purchase clothing or makeup or go to movies. I've been over and over my bank statements and I can't think of anywhere to pinch any pennies.

I currently have two friends looking out for second jobs that I can take on.

Until then, I'm sitting on the couch trying to think of a way to come up with enough money to pay my bills.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Boulet Boots

I love boots. I have always loved boots and I suspect I will always love boots. I do not wear fashionable boots or even boots that most people find attractive. Since I was ten, my feet have been clad, year round, in Doc Martens.

Over the years, however, many people have complained about going out with me because it takes me approximately fifty and a half hours to tie up my boots before I walk out the door. As such, last year at tax time, I ran out and bought myself a pair of dress cowboy boots.

My life has not been the same since. I love them. I love the click of them when I walk across a parking lot, I love the pointed toe when I look down and see them. I love a perfectly hemmed pair of jeans sitting around them and I love them with a denim mini-skirt (Which I've only gotten up the nerve to wear once but it was the county fair and I simply had to).

My boots are Frye boots, not Boulet boots. Boulet boots, for those of you not in the know, are the be-all, end-all of boots. I have been chastised by many people for my choice in boots but last year's tax return would not afford me Boulet boots. Sigh. My Frye boots haven't behaved in exactly the fashion I want them to behave in. They are still completely functional but they need to be resoled as the sole of one of them has started to fall apart and come off.

Fast forward to yesterday: I found out the amount of money I am getting is quite substantial. Life-altering, even.

Immediately visions of beautiful Boulet boots started dancing in my head. I was picturing the new saddle I would buy for my horse, the clothing I would purchase as I frequently look like a homeless person when dressed in my own attire.

And then I sat down in front of my computer and realized a few things. Here is a breakdown of my financial situation:

Tax check in the mail = $10 less than what I owe on my vehicle
Amount in savings = $20 less than what I owe on my Visa
Amount of excess in next pay check = amount I owe my parents

And my heart is saying to me BOOTS. YOU NEED BOOTS. GIRL, GET YOURSELF SOME DAMN BOOTS.

But my head. Oh, my stupid head is saying -- in a fashion much less direct than my heart -- that I should pay off all my debts and have a chance to be at zero for a while.

I'm sure that Joomy will step in here and offer some encouragement in making the right decision.