Well, It Took Some Time...

I managed to stop crying over my financial situation and I am now actively pursuing solutions. I'm not sure what those solutions are but there has to be one out there somewhere.

I'm getting my tires changed today which has been a source of anxiety since before spring began. The tires I managed to get with my car are perhaps the sexiest tires I've owned in my life. I've been upset that I've been driving on them all this time in the good weather (which is laughable to say because the weather here has been anything but good) an perhaps destroying some of their sexiness.

But I just have not had the seventy bucks to get them changed over. Where do you ge seventy dollars where seventy dollars does not exist?

Where do you get nine hundred dollars where the nine hundred dollars does not exist?

And how on Earth am I going to deal with taxes next year?

I was discussing this with a friend over the weekend, like, what if I just don't pay? What will they do to me? Is there a way for me to prove that I simply don't have the money? If I do that, will they let me off the hook?

Will they send me to jail? Is that an option? Because, I'll totally go. I'm willing to do some jail time in return for money I don't have. I mean, lots of people can do weekend sentences for all kinds of crimes, right? Why not let me take advantage of this?

My friend doesn't think jail time is an option.

Neither does my mother.

When I finally do get around to calling the tax people about the money I owe them, you can bet your ass I'm gonna ask.

On Being Broke

Tax season has come and gone. I would usually choose to end this statement with some sort of other statement relating to how this has made me feel, but I will tell you a story instead.

Last year, I did my taxes. Mr. Tax Man gave me back almost five thousand dollars. I don't know if you've ever received five thousand dollars out of the woodwork before, but this is a mighty nice thing to get.

During that visit with Mr. Tax Man, he told me "If you make the same amount next year, you'll get close to the same return." I have since made it my goal to make the same amount as I made last year so that I could receive an additional five thousand dollars.

My new job leaves much to be desired in the way of finances, but I did work enough at other jobs over the year to compensate. I was hoping for an amount at least close to what I got last year. Like, within fifteen hundred dollars of what I got last year in the form of tax returns.

On Friday, I called my mother to see what my return would be and she told me I ended up oweing nine hundred dollars.

I did the only thing I could think of at that point and I went to my car and I wept until I thought I would throw up in my new car.

Through Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I have continued on in much the same fashion. I've now gone to two different accountants and as a result of this?

Right.

I've been weeping to the point of convulsion. Three times on Saturday, while I was driving back and forth from the city, I almost had to stop my car. I haven't cried this hard over anything in a long time.

I am on the brink of financial ruin. If this financial ruin was due to my penchant for Starbucks and name brand blue jeans, I would blame myself. But over the past months as my financial reality has sunk in, I have completely cut out the extras in my life. I do not dine out, I severely limit my beer intake. I do not purchase clothing or makeup or go to movies. I've been over and over my bank statements and I can't think of anywhere to pinch any pennies.

I currently have two friends looking out for second jobs that I can take on.

Until then, I'm sitting on the couch trying to think of a way to come up with enough money to pay my bills.

I don't know what I'm going to do.