Tuesday, September 15, 2009

What's That in My Inbox?

A letter from WHO?

Joomy, avert your eyes.

And also, when you don't avert your eyes, please don't yell at me. And also please don't email me in a lot of capital letters.

Years ago, I broke it off with someone who caused me much heartbreak and many tears. If you're not familiar with the story of Dubai Guy, please read about it there. Dating this person was a huge eye-opener to me. He was also the first person I dated after my husband and I broke up; he came to visit me the first night I lived in my scary downtown apartment; he took me for my first ride in a Mercedes Benz; he remains the only person I know who things that Louis Vuitton footwear is something to be worn on a daily basis.

While I went through the process of blocking and deleting him from all of my accounts, it seems that he did not go through the same process with my information. And because I'm a sucker for making myself feel like I've been punched in the gut, I never did the smart thing and deleted any of his emails -- which appear regularly, about every three or four months -- before I opened them.

Most of his letters to me are short, succinct, and without probing for information on my life.

Every email I get is fairly straightforward: He asks how my horse is, how Dixie is, how life on the farm is. He always wishes me well and congratulates me on anything that is in need of congratulations. And of course, I never really give him anything in return other than the odd pic of my magnificent Thoroughbred or my happy beagle.

And then this week it came, the email that said he'd be in town and that he would like to see me.

And initially, due to turmoil in my romantic life that has again led me to believe that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my days, those old thoughts sort of crept back into my mind. You know, those ridiculous thoughts you have when things aren't going your way and due to the upset you're feeling at the time, those thoughts make perfect logical sense when you first have them.

Days later and my turmoil regarding the rest of my life remains; however, I've landed firmly back on the ground and I'm back in that place I was when we broke it off for good two years ago. Praise be, because I don't think I could go through another Dubai Guy breakup when he returns to his life and leaves me to live mine.

Even though I did make peace with our breakup, I've dreaded seeing those words in my inbox for some time. I was always so scared that all those old feelings would creep up and of course, they did. I realize why now, and I'm safe to say that there is nothing left, romantically speaking. Am I interested in grabbing a bite, hearing about his latest travels, reminiscing about the days when I worked in the corner store and he would come in and buy gum as an excuse to talk to me? Of course. Who doesn't like to hear a good story and laugh over the past?

But I am confident, and you should be too, that it will go no further than that.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Jummy said...

LOL! You tried to protect me but knew I'd keep reading.

I will hold you to your last sentence, my dear!

(And pssst. I want credit for not using capital letters or passing judgment online!)

1:44 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Oh, Joomy! Thank you so much for not passing judgement! I was so scared that you would have strong words for me upon reading this. Thank you for having faith.

In one of my favorite songs, the line goes "If you ever had much faith in me, I could use a little now". I heart you!

12:06 AM  

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