I dub her Dr. Caresalot

I finally took matters into my own hands today with regards to the crankiness-causing lumps errupting on my body. The ones in my armpits were of most concern to the fine doctor, who ordered a battery of tests after fondling most of my body for a brief period of time.

I only felt a little bit odd laying on the table at her request, but I figure, my last date was probably ...

Well, I don't remember when my last date was. But it was probably worse than that.

Next, I was seen by Nurse MygodIloveher. She took my blood and I must say it was the grandest blood-taking I've ever experienced. I had no time to faint, scream, or burst into tears. There wasn't time for my life to flash before my eyes as I pictured my bleeding and dying self crumpling to the floor. She just stabbed my arm -Owwie! - and then was done. Like magic.

I commented on her wizardry with sharp implements and she said "My dear, I've been doing this every day for twenty-six years."

My GOD, could you imagine stabbing people for a living for a quarter of a century? At first, it seems fun. Like "Hey, you didn't smile back at me when I greeted you today. Take THAT!" Ka-Powie!

Imagine the fun you could have stabbing people at a fruit farm? The SubShack? Every other place I've ever worked?

Clearly, I'm so thrilled to have gotten medical attention that I've become delirious.