Thursday, September 06, 2007

I dub her Dr. Caresalot

I finally took matters into my own hands today with regards to the crankiness-causing lumps errupting on my body. The ones in my armpits were of most concern to the fine doctor, who ordered a battery of tests after fondling most of my body for a brief period of time.

I only felt a little bit odd laying on the table at her request, but I figure, my last date was probably ...

Well, I don't remember when my last date was. But it was probably worse than that.

Next, I was seen by Nurse MygodIloveher. She took my blood and I must say it was the grandest blood-taking I've ever experienced. I had no time to faint, scream, or burst into tears. There wasn't time for my life to flash before my eyes as I pictured my bleeding and dying self crumpling to the floor. She just stabbed my arm -Owwie! - and then was done. Like magic.

I commented on her wizardry with sharp implements and she said "My dear, I've been doing this every day for twenty-six years."

My GOD, could you imagine stabbing people for a living for a quarter of a century? At first, it seems fun. Like "Hey, you didn't smile back at me when I greeted you today. Take THAT!" Ka-Powie!

Imagine the fun you could have stabbing people at a fruit farm? The SubShack? Every other place I've ever worked?

Clearly, I'm so thrilled to have gotten medical attention that I've become delirious.



Anonymous Jummy said...

Yay for actual medical attention. I wait with bated breath to find out what the diagnosis is.

11:44 p.m.  

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