Thursday, October 22, 2009

So, So Tired...

I just finished a twenty five hour shift.

Working the way I work is kind of insane, I get that, and I am the one who chooses to keep going back there. I get that, too.

But right now this is the job that is paying for my trusty JEEP; my new computer (the one that has a functioning K key, even); My horse's many, many needs; my newfound addiction to Booster Juice; and of course, that whole thirty thousand dollars worth of education thing. Right. That.

And really, I just need to whine. I came home with every intention of working on my final for this class. I really did. But I just wanted to sit and reconnect with the fact that a world exists outside of twenty five hour shifts. So shoot me. I sat at my computer for an hour. And then my mother came home from an outing she was on, so I chatted for a little while with her. I took a call from the Berry Queen and then BAM.

The exhaustion hit me. I always do this, I think that I can just stay awake until the next normal sleeping hour but the fact is that I rarely, if ever, can. And then I'll be sitting somewhere, having a can of pop and functioning relatively normally and suddenly I feel as though I've been drinking. I start to mutter my words, my eyes just won't stay open and it is generally not safe for me to operate heavy equipment.

So I collapsed into my bed with Dixie for two and a half hours, thinking that this would suffice to get me through the rest of the day and when Dixie and I woke up I still was not able to function.

Working this long honestly makes me feel as though I have a hangover. I'm kind of shaky from the caffeine I drink to get me through the shifts. I generally have a mild headache, mild stomach upset and sometimes a very irritable outlook on life.

I now want nothing more than to write up fifty pages of final sociological information on consumerism and globalism and neo-liberalism but I am JUST SO TIRED. I really feel like I am not going to get this course done and that the next nine courses are an insurmountable task.

Today is a good day, so I think I'm going to stay positive. On a bad day, I might weep uncontrollably and curl up in the fetal position. I think I'll go right now, hydrate myself with some flavored water, drink down another pot of coffee, curl up with my nephew to watch Survivor and swear to myself that I will do some form of productive work after the water and coffee set in.

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