Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Gretchen, I'd like You To Meet Alfonso

Gretchen. Oh, Gretchen.

Gretchen and I have had some wonderful times over the years.

I don't know if my readers know this, but I have a terrible habit of naming things in my life. My vehicles have had terrible names (First there was The Wagon, then there was The Little Chevy, and now there is Da JEEP) but some of the other things in my life have had interesting names. (Like Big Al, my TV from university, Snuffalupagus, the houseplant my roommate had when I lived in the City, and of course, the thing that was stuck in the drain when I moved into my second apartment. It was the size of a small rodent and it had a very interesting name but it escapes me now.)

Gretchen is my laptop.

Gretchen succumbed to an illness the other day and it was a hideous ordeal that left me in tears and on the search for a new partner in blogging, essay writing, photo taking, and technological debauchery.

The story is so long and arduous that I can not begin to expand upon it now. I was told that my laptop would cost hundreds to fix and since a new laptop would be comparable in price, I decided to get a new one.

After eight hours and weeping quietly in front of two of about ten computer guys I dealt with, I went to Mal's house to chill while waiting for my laptop to be loaded up with software and set up.

Grand total, nine hundred and twenty seven dollars.

I had just sat down on the couch with a beer and a cigarette when my phone rang. It was my computer guy who had miraculously fixed Gretchen and returned her to her normal state of function for less than two hundred dollars.

I was stunned and just thanked him before texting Mal and saying -- and I must apologize to our more sensitive readers for relaying this message on a family-friendly website -- FUCK MY LIFE.

I immediately decided to return the laptop on a day when I would be more suited to going into a computer store. I didn't even take it out of the box once I got it.

I called the store today and it turns out that returning the laptop would get me back five hundred of the dollars (plus taxes!) back.

The rest of the money (Plus taxes!) would remain on my Visa because it was for software that had been opened and uploaded and could not be returned.

Again, excuse me for a minute, but I feel the need to scream FUCK MY LIFE really, really loudly right now.

I've decided to keep the new laptop because I can't fathom spending three hundred dollars on nothing when I'm going to need the new laptop a short time from now anyways. (Gretchen is going on six years old now and my computer guy tends to think she is on her way to the graveyard regardless.)

So now I guess I need to suck up the fact that I have paid for something that I didn't necessarily need to pay for at this point in time.

The task remains to get all the good stuff off Gretchen and into Alfonso. I need some tunes, some pictures, and all my school work moved over so that I have something to groove to and look at while I should be doing more productive things with my life.

I just have no idea how to do this. I was thinking of introducing them late at night, by candlelight in the kitchen. Perhaps I could just come back in the morning and the stuff would all be transferred? Could I plug them in to the same outlet and hope that via their power cords they would swap vitals? Could I find a device with which to plug one into the other and then hit the "Send info to Alfonso" button?

It escapes me.

Regardless, I have a new purchase that I'm sure I will be excited about once I accept the fact that I will be paying for this decision for a long, long time.



Anonymous Jummy said...

Do you think if Gretchen and Alfonso slept together, the things that need transferring could be moved over that way? Tell Alfonso he better not expect to get everything for nothing though: he'd have to take her out for a good meal at the very least.

9:15 p.m.  
Blogger Dave said...

The new computer will rock your socks once you're using it exclusively. :P And now, maybe you'll be able to get the wireless internet upstairs.

12:21 p.m.  

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