Thursday, February 07, 2008

Just Another Day In Paradise...

I had a day and a half at work today. And I mean that in every sense of the word, that the day and a half that I spent there actually felt like it really was thirty six hours long... even though it was only a shift and a half.

I can't post about the work that I do here, mostly because I work with children in a group home whose privacy must be protected at all costs. Needless to say, there are some shifts that leave me without words, without a way to describe how I am feeling because there has not been, thus far in history, enough words created to show how I feel.

Tonight was a shift without incident, without a single issue or swear word spoken in my direction. I suppose you could say that from everything today, I have been deeply affected.

And I know that the burnout rate in this field is around four years. Less, even. And I know that I've been at it for about six months now. Tonight was one of those nights that really makes me wonder, why am I doing this at all?

The good thing is that I'm bubbly and resilient. I know that the next time I show up, I'll be back to my chipper old self, having faith in what I do, and be able to do my job without question.

Sometimes after a bad shift (Or any shift, for that matter) my mother and I sit at the computer and look at pictures. Between her, myself, and my oldest brother, we must have thousands upon thousands of pictures at our disposal. Lately, we've been spending time reviewing the pictures of us riding Zydo this summer.

There are a very few perfect pictures of me on Zydo, partly because I am still far from being a perfect rider. But a few of those pictures that make my heart swell do exist, where I look put together as though I'm someone who belongs atop a wonderful Thouroughbred like him.

Looking at these pictures so frequently has given me a case of spring fever like I've never had before. I want the weather to be warm; I want the days to be long so that I can come home from school and have enough time to tack up my horse and head out. I'm anxious to try crossing the path of the Ostrich once more, to see if I've improved in my abilities enough that my knees don't shake when Zydo tears me through all the bush he can in an attempt to escape the freakishly large bird. I want to put up jumps again and feel myself fly through the air on his back, knowing that he is so trustworthy that I could do anything while I'm riding and he would never try to hurt me.

I love the time that I spend with him in the winter; I go down and pet him, kiss his nose and let him nibble on the collar of my plaid jacket. I carefully remove the frost from the whiskers on his nose and clean his feet out of frozen mud and dirt. I love to just stand beside him and smell his horse-y goodness.

But all of that is just not ood enough. I want enough daylight to ride after school; to feel him beneath me; to feel the ache and pain after a good, long lesson with him.

Warm weather can't come fast enough.

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Blogger Siuan said...

I love your passion for riding. It sounds wonderful. Work sounds intersting and I'm glad you have peace with being there.

6:46 p.m.  

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