Monday, December 17, 2007

When Life Leaves You With No Words...

I've been in a bit of a funk lately, not that its anyone's fault or that there is anything anyone can do about it. I just feel as though I've been overwhelmed at work and at school; I just finished working and I was stuck at my place of employment for twenty seven hours straight due to inclement weather. By the time my boss got there and had shovelled his way to the house, I was hysterical and unable to communicate anything of value. He asked me to begin calling people who could come in, and as tears rolled down my cheeks and rage caused me to shake in my seat, he simply took the phone away from me and called people himself.

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this or not, and I've been thinking about it for weeks, but the beginning of December marked a one year anniversary for me. I'm not sure if it marks a year of Sanity, or just a year since I actually purposely sought out Sanity. Regardless, it was twelve months ago that I was in a very rough place, and while I don't feel that my mood is sending me back to that very rough place, I do feel as though I've been contemplative lately, cautiously wondering what it was, exactly, that sent me there to begin with.

I've been hating my medication more and more lately, and I'd like nothing more than to stop taking it altogether. Its been a year since I started on this new wonder drug, and about sixteen months since that awful city doctor fed me near-lethal doses of another drug that quite literally drove me to the brink of insanity. Every now and then I get this urge to live medication free, and I'm not sure why, but the idea seems appealing, as though somehow being without meds would make me a member of that oh-so-exclusive club that the Sane people belong to, and just for a little while, I could play with the cool kids.

On the other hand, I've tried living drug free before and, well, it just never goes well. I think that's all I need to tell the Internet at this point.

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Anonymous Jummy said...

I can't believe it's been a year already.

I know you've been busy but have you by any chance read dooce's entry on taking medication for depression and anxiety?

I hope to see you during the Christmas holidays!

11:10 p.m.  

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