Saturday, December 01, 2007

On Neglecting My Blog...

So I haven't been writing very much of late, and it seems that when I do write, the only thing I have to say is that I haven't written. I'm just chalk full of useful statements like those.

And you know, I'm a full time student and I work four or five shifts a week, and I like to pretend like I have some sort of social life. The type where you actually get out of your pajamas and go beyond the doors of your own home. A social life like that. Exactly.

And I'd love to blame my busy-ness on my school and my work and my horse, but they are not to blame at all. I can generally manage school, work, some of the horse care and my blog all at the same time. But the real reason I'm too busy to blog?

Is a boy.

I met this individual only four weeks ago, and for the last two weeks we have been spending a considerable amount of time together. He is a very lovely individual, the type of individual who has blonde hair and blue eyes and a thing for shoes that my brothers are all sure to make fun of. He hunts deer and has a four-wheeler and likes to do things like chain smoke and drink beer. He's never milked a cow though, and I find this a little bit troublesome.

Joomy has already asked me for details on this individual, for an email updating her on the goings on and the kissing, because she found out that there had been kissing and OH MY GOD, there was kissing? And then she was kinda pissed that she has been out of the loop.

This individual has lasted longer in my life than most individuals, because in most cases, I'm done with them and have kicked them to the curb a few days after our first meeting. In fact, I've twice made motions to cut it off completely with this individual, and twice I've talked to him about it, and twice I've decided that fine, I'll go ahead with it. I'm hesitant to date this person or call him my boyfriend.

The problem here is that we work together. I've been through enough breakups to know that they are hurty and not nice, and that in every case, every time I've dated someone? Its ended in a breakup. So chances are, this isn't my Prince Charming, sent to sweep me off my feet and prevent me from being an ogre ever again in my life.

I want to date someone. I want to cuddle up and watch a movie, I want to have someone to call when I want to chat about my day. I want to have someone who will hold my hand and let me lean on them when I am sad and lonely; I want someone to eat lunch with and talk about nothing with and drink beer with and have a cigarette with. I want all that so badly that I can almost feel it when I'm living my day-to-day life.

But at the same time, I want to just be me. I want my alone time, my napping with Dixie time. I want to spend a day with my horse and not feel guilty that I should be spending my time with a person rather than something of equine descent.

I'm just a jumbled up mess of mixed up emotions right now and I'm not sure what to do about it. I am genuinely interested in this individual, I genuinely like him and enjoy spending time with him.

But in the event of yet another painful breakup, I'm not sure how we're supposed to go on as coworkers or friends, or how I'm supposed to get used to the fact that once he's gone, I'll have no one to chat about nothing with anymore.

I think the chatting about nothing is what I like the most.

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Blogger the Burrito Goddess said...

Ooh, good luck with your boy!!!


1:07 a.m.  
Anonymous Joomy - said...

The things you describe wanting from a relationship, those little things are exactly what I want...well except for the cigarette smoking part ;)

You're happy and I hope you'll let things run their course, knowing that yes, a breakup would hurt, but also that you're strong and you'd survive if it happened.

Also: don't spend time worrying about hypotheticals when you should be enjoying chatting about nothing.

10:43 a.m.  

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