Monday, March 26, 2007

Sometimes it just hits me...

Like, I'll be sitting here writing an essay about some mundane topic, and then, all of a sudden, BANG.

It just comes over me like a tidal wave and I'm thinking, Day-um...

I'm almost done?

How can this be? How can the last three years of stress, worry, money problems, an inability to function without the prospect of beer in the near future... the distance from home and knowing that I'm missing out on so much... the fact that Big Brother has spent three out of my four years in post-secondary overseas... the knowledge that when I left home, the Precious Boy was a baby in diapers and now he's six and can floss his own teeth... that my parents are letting me make some renovations to the barn and move in some living things of my own, that I'm going to learn how to carve chickens and collect eggs and some day, grow fruit?

How in Hell did I become this person, with goals and ideas and opinions and a readiness to take on the world? When did I lose my shell of the insecure girl who would cry over her fat legs in a bathing suit, and become this woman who says "To Hell with anyone who dislikes thighs that jiggle!"

What gets me the most has to be that I'm not pining for my past. I'm not asking myself where the time went, or thinking that I wasted the last years. Without these years, I wouldn't know that my heart belongs in the country or that my passion lies in creating things, be it fruit or livestock or chickens or fencing....

Wow. It's just hit me that I'M DONE and I'm soon going to be free.

My mother suggested I celebrate by trying to attend a class or two before my final exams.

I just may do that.


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