Friday, March 23, 2007

A Few Hours Away...

This weekend I'm going to The Ranch where the fam intends to gather about and drink copious amounts of Akvavit. Included in this drinking is the plan to munch on some appetizing delights such as pickled herring, red cabbage, smoked eel, head cheese, liver pate and inordinate amounts of carbohydrates in the form of rye bread.

This custom is otherwise known as Danish New Year's. In a sane person's life, New Year's is celebrated ... well, ON New Year's. However, because this year has been so hectic, we didn't get around to celebrating. Big Brother was in Afghanistan and we didn't feel quite right having one of his favorite parties without him.

Before I get to celebrating the New Year and all, though, I'm going to be spending the day at my other Big Brother's house writing essays. Ooooh, I can tell you these are some damn thrilling essays, too. I'm sure that I will absolutely NOT sit on the couch, gaze lovingly into the screen of my laptop, and stumble fast into unconsciousness.

Pause for a moment while I contemplate the removal of that NOT up there.

So, as most polite houseguests do, I decided to inform my brother that I'm coming to his house to infringe upon his property, ingest anything appetizing that may be in his refrigerator, and fog up the house with an impermeable haze of second hand smoke while I toil.

His response?

"Sweet! Hey, while you're here, can you steal some Pledge from Mom, and dust the wood stuff that's in the living room?"

Nothing screams homecoming like family members asking you to polish articles of furniture that don't belong to you.

Of course, me being the wonderful person that I am, I will lovingly abolish every last fleck of dust from the house, polish the wood structures with all my might, and then I will gaze lovingly into the screen of my laptop....

If I had any mints handy, I'd make up the beds and leave some on the pillows.




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