I knew my hoarding tendencies would come in handy...
Pffft. Ask the girl who, upon moving last spring, found five packages of forty barrettes hidden about her tiny one room apartment in Hell.
You need to borrow some razor blades and shave gel?
Sweetheart, I could shave the entire state of Texas.
You want some comfy clothes to wear?
Fortunately, I've been stealing from your closet since 1998, and I have an entire wardrobe of comfy clothes that already belong to you!
Deodorant? You smell??
No, no, Honey. I smell. Which is specifically why I occasionally go to the grocery store and buy a new kind of deodorant just to see if there is one out there that works. I can provide you with a whole variety of different deodorants! Gel? Unscented? Solid?
You need some shampoo?
Fortunately, I buy at Price Club! I have gallons of it to spare! Why, I could shampoo the entire population of every homeless shelter that's on my street, and still have some to spare!
Hurray for hoarders!
Labels: Crazed + maniacal