Thursday, November 23, 2006

COnversations with my mother...

You know, there are a lot of things in this life that makes coming from a farm come in handy. While a lot of my city counterparts may laugh at me because I'm such a redneck, you learn a lot of handy things on the farm.

Like where babies come from. When we were little, the breeder man came and bred cows for us. (He used Artificial Insemination). But then, handily enough, a few months later a baby cow came out, and there you had it. Simple as pie. That must be where babies come from.

How to milk a cow by hand. If I ever get lost in the back woods of Germany? I'll be able to milk cows that we come across in the valleys.

How to deliver a calf. I figure that the next time a Berry Baby is getting born, Berry Queen won't even have to go to the hospital. She can just call me, I'll grab my pitchfork and my baler twine, and she'll be saved all the time and hassle of going to a hospital. (Not that there are any more Berry Babies in the near future, but I remain hopeful. Just because I love babies).

Having grown up on a farm is also handy because, despite the physical differences humans have from cows (Like the whole four legs/four stomachs thing), we still have a lot of similarities with cows. I like that, because I can sometimes call my mom with a health question and she'll know the answer because it's something that occurs in cows and humans.

The following, for example:

The Scene: Walking down the streets of the big city towards work, frantically dialing my parents....

Phone: Ring! Ring!

SuperDad (In CowTown): Hello! How are you! What's new and exciting!

Me: Work! School! More work! I need to talk to my Mooooother!!!

SuperDad: *Rolls Eyes*: SuperNan? She's looking for you again.

Me: MOM!! What on earth is Drug X that the doctor just gave me? Is she trying to kill me? I need answers, dammit! I don't trust this crazy city doctor, and now she's prescribed Drug X and I've heard that hollered out on ER one too many times in this lifetime! So, have you heard of Drug X?

SuperNan: Oh, yes, Dear. We used to tranquilize cattle with it all the time in the eighties. Why?




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