Monday, March 24, 2008

On My Orally Fixated Horse...

Zydo and I have many similarities in our personalities, and sometimes we are so much the same that I get a little concerned. Like, should I be slipping him some Luvox with his Bute, or is he comfortable with who he is?

Zydo is a disgusting slob in his stall, much like I am a disgusting slob in my bedroom. The entire place often looks like a natural disaster, with high winds and driving rains, have pounded the premises for hours. Zydo needs frequent naps to keep him chipper, needs arch supporting footwear wherever he goes, and he needs to chew.

Tia also has an interesting personality in that she is just a little fucking crazy. She is scared of everything, including wind and shadows, and I firmly beieve that we should rename her Dancing Queen. Tia is physically incapable of walking anywhere, and instead she chooses to travel up on her tip-toes, waltzing this way and that in order to keep a keen eye on all the terrible creatures that are about to jump out and consume her whole if she doesn't stay on the look-out.

Tia wears a halter and a blanket, the same as Zydo, when she is outside. This is convenient because Zydo can follow her around the pasture, gnawing happily on her apparel, and her body never actually undergoes any harm as a result of his chewing.

Now, I'm not sure if its the abnormally long, cold and snowy winter we've had here in Canada this year or what. But these last two weeks Tia has lost all patience with Zydo and his chewing. And so, he stands beside her trying to gnaw on her halter and Tia is all like "STOP PULLING ON MY DAMN HEAD WHILE I'M TRYING TO EAT, ASSHOLE!"

So, she'll try to wander away from him, but her halter is firmly planted in his jaws, and because he outweighs her by about five hundred pounds, she's kind of stuck. So then she gets all angry, and screeches at him and starts flailing her dainty little hooves in his direction, and Zydo tucks his tail and steps back until the violent onslaught ends.

And then Tia stalks haughtily away and Zydo looks sad, and follows her and chews on her blanket. And then she tries to kick him in the teeth and he's all like "Dude, what's your damage?"

At any rate, we're currently looking into a product that we can apply to Tia's blanket and halter so that Zydo will not be as interested in gnawing at it for eleven hours daily.

Personally, I think she should just be more understanding and empathetic to his need for oral stimulation, but whatever. Apparently my Dad is upset that Tia's hundred dollar winter coat now has a big hole in the rump of it.

Wimps, all of them.

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