Off to see the wizard...

Me: Oh, Dude, did I wake you?

Mal: Yeah.

Me: My bad. But look, I'm coming on Friday.

Mal: Sweet. Bring beer.

Me: I'm taking the train.

Mal: So? Bring the beer on the train.

Me: Dude. You've got to be kidding. You want me to be seen lugging a 2-4 onto a train?

Mal: Oh, ye who falls over with a backpack of forty pounds on her back, scrambling around on the train station floor to pick up the cigarettes that fell out of the baggy she kept them in.

Me: So?

Mal: YOU COULDN'T GET UP.

Me: Well, you went and demanded beer from the girl and came back with banana bread!

Mal: Well, you stumbled onto the train with an empty Jack Daniel's bottle and decided to whip open your laptop only TO PASS OUT in front of it so EVERY PASSENGER was watching with glee to see if it would fall off your lap!

Me: It STAYED THERE for FOUR hours! Those sober people were AMAZED.

Mal: Look, are you bringing beer?

Me: No way, man. I'm taking a train for eight hours to come see your sorry ass. You can damn well drive me to the liquor store.

Mal: Sweet. But that means you have to come to stripper-cise class with me.

Me: You want me to wha-?

Mal: Nighty-Night!

*Click.

Exeunt