Sunday, June 10, 2007

Oh, the pain...

I have been stumbling about the house all day today, much like a person who has performed no less than three consecutive keg stands. My mother doesn't know what that means, so for those of you in her situation, we'll just say that's a lot of frickin' beer.

But no, I've consumed nary a drop.

I'm doing the cowboy walk, with a touch of Oh-My-God-I-Haven't-Ridden-A-Horse-in-five-years thrown in there.

When I complain about my horse-related muscle pain to those of you in the non-horsing world, I often hear things like "Yeah, when I started working out in the gym I was stiff for days!"

To you who say such naive, ridiculous things I say: Shut the Hell up.

There is no workout like riding a horse, no workout in the world that works your core muscles in places you didn't know you had. Right now the insides of my thighs feel as though they've been run over by a tractor, a John Deere tractor for sure, and I don't know if anyone here has ever been run over by a John Deere tractor, but it hurts. I actually dated someone who once was run over by a Massey Ferguson tractor, and he said it hurts a whole bunch. I scoffed, of course, and told him that it must not hurt nearly as much as being run over by a Deere, but I've yet to meet someone who's been run over by one of those.

I haven't ridden in four years now, and there has never been a time in my life that has been four years horse free. Not even the first four years, because I flew off the top of a half standardbred half paint draft horse before I was two years old. I'm not sure if most people will be impressed that I survived, or horrified that I have the type of parents who put the under-two crowd on horseback. Either way, I spent the next seventeen years there so it can't have turned out that badly.

I'll be riding him again tomorrow afternoon when he gets here, and before they do that I'm going to have to consume mass quantities of pain killers. I'm thinking two advil every two hours ... and a few sedatives thrown in surely can't hurt in the area of muscle relaxing. Although I must say that riding while conscious is really much more fun that riding while UNconscious, so I suppose I might just take some no-name Ibuprofen and go from there.

Pray for me. Pray hard.

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