Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Lies, Lies, and More Lies...

I received a forwarded email today regarding sex. It was clearly written by a man.

It was a man who's never met a woman.

Sex is a cure for mild depression:

You expect me to believe that a big, hairy, slobbery man wanting me to get naked will cure me of depression? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SCIENCE HAS GONE IN TO MAKING ME NORMAL? Personally, I find beer much more effective, AND no nakedness is required when it comes to beer drinking. Mmm, beer.

Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

I'd much rather cram my fat, pasty white body into a swimsuit and dog-paddle my way through twenty laps than get naked in front of most (read: all) of the men I've dated. Need I remind you of the knitter? Further, you may not need special sneakers, sure, but have you ever looked up the logistics of a diaphragm?

A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine:

Yes, because this is ambient: "Honey, I'm stuffed up. Don't mind the crust near my nasal cavities. Don't mind the hacking cough, or the sound of the phlegm in my throat, or the snotballs sure to ping you in the head at any moment. Let's get it on."

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

This is an outright lie, and even if it is true? I'D RATHER POP A PILL THAN SEE YOUR HAIRY BODY GET NAKED.

Not that I detest men or anything.



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Anonymous Anonymous said...

too funny

4:18 p.m.  

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