Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Some people are just kinda dumb....

Everyone knows the story of Dooce. I don't think it bears repeating, but essentially, she wrote on her blog about some people and then she got fired. (And now she's rich and famous. Damn her.)

Generally, I'm pretty careful about what I post here. I imagine that because I'm so careful about posting with regards to my place of work or my friends, I should be equally careful about posting with regards to the dumbass who runs my building. Legal troubles shouldn't be laundry aired in public, after all.

I could go on and on and try to explain the problem here. But it would make you want to pick up your monitos, break it over your knee, and gouge brain matter out of your ears with the shards of glass and plastic because THAT IS HOW STUPID THE SITUATION IS. So I'm not going to explain it. You all like your monitor where it is and such, I'm sure.

I'm pretty steamed for a variety of reasons relating back to my living situation. The first has got to be that my mother was right once more, dammit, and if this happens ever again, I'm going to hang myself upside down from a willow tree and allow birds to pluck out my eyes with their beaks because I HATE IT WHEN SHE DOES THAT. She's always so damn right, and signing anything other than a mortgage or your soul to the devil is not a good idea. The next time the Devil waltzes into my living room? I'll be signing away. However, creepy men who run offices out of creepy basements demanding wads of cash instead of checks? These are never men you should go about signing things over to. DUH.

This numbnut who runs my building is now threatening legal action. I picture us getting to court, and I can see the judge (someone like Judge Judy, I hope, because even if she does yell at me? I can say that I've been yelled at by someone like Judge Judy) and explain that I signed a lease and that I paid all the rent on time and that now I'm leaving because the lease is up, and yes, I did in fact give all the notice I'm required to give by law. And then the building owner guy will turn to the judge and say that I've signed the lease and paid the lease and given my full sixty days notice and that I left after that.

And then I imagine that the judge will stare blankly into the room, pick up her gavel, beat herself senseless with it, and send us all to jail for wasting her precious time. I hope the court officer Dude who picks her up off the floor and sweeps her into her chambers for some cool water and Xanax is really, really HOT. She deserves taht much, at least.

I understand where she's coming from, though. This imaginary judge of mine (Do rental issues even go to court? I have no idea.) will have every right to be pissed off at the absurdity of the situation.

I'll just sneak in some heavy duty sedatives and enjoy my time at the slammer. If nothing else, it'll make for a good story to regail people with while camping later in the summer.




Anonymous Jummy said...

Your landlord guy is a doofus.

I hope he dares to take you to court, and that you get to sue him some additional monies for pain and suffering :)

2:09 a.m.  

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