Friday, September 08, 2006

Coming to terms....

I am back in the city now after a rather gruelling ten days at home.

The funeral held for my Grandad was lovely. The service was very nice. My cousin and I got up and spoke: she read parts of a story that he really loved, and I spoke about some memories that I had of him. It went well and I held myself together while I was speaking.

Losing someone to Alzheimer's is very trying. I can't think of a word to describe it.

The thing is, my grandfather changed so very much over the years of his sickness. It was like he was gone long, long ago.

Last semester I took the Psychology of Death and Dying. It was an interesting and emotionally charged course. I don't think it has helped me very much in all of this. The gist of it is, when someone dies, the people left behind can feel any range of emotions. Anything goes, and it's all normal and healthy until it takes up a large portion of the bereaved's life.

I am feeling a lot right now. Of course I feel guilt, for not visiting my Grandad more often when I could. I feel a sense of relief at the same time, though, because his suffering (Which was great in his last days) is over. I also feel a strange sense of happiness, knowing that my Grandad has gone on to a better place. I feel sadness because he will be greatly missed. And I feel a little bit of anger because he had to suffer the way he did.

School is starting up now. I'm relieved in a way. It has been an exhausting summer full of Berries, working, Berry Baby the Fifth being born, and my Grandad's illness. I have two professors who are a little crazy and one who is funny and nice so far.

SuperNan has made me an appointment with a Chiropractor for my back, which was acting up all week and had me in such pain over the last few days that I could barely stand up. I'm a little leery of letting a stranger twist and contort me, but at this point I'm looking forward to being fixed of my back woes. Because, you know, I hate it when people whine about back pain.

And so, life goes on. Which seems a little wierd to me. I feel like the world should stop for a day or two. Just let everything stop so I can catch my breath. But this big old world keeps spinning and I will be just fine.

Because I always am.

Toonses

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a comfort you have been these past two weeks, especially to G'ma and me.
N.

10:25 PM  

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