Camping, Camping, Camping....

I'm back! Crazy Camping number four has come and gone. And a soggy good time was had by all.

My dear friend in blogging Joomy and I started out from the big city at around eleven a.m. We had to stop to buy some essentials: Booze, Kleenex, nasal spray, and of course, some stuff to eat.

We arrived at camp at around four thirty and set up. And by set up, I mean Joomy worked her butt off while I sat under a tree chain smoking and drinking one of my famous multiple-things-combined-in-a-single drinking vessel drinks. They were spectacular.

Jooms and I made a supper of Honey Garlic chicken drumsticks and potatoes fireside. It actually worked out great! I had visions of us contracting whatever it is that you contract from eating uncooked chicken and thus spending the rest of our vacation in the Emergency room.

That night some fool got drunk and left my boots outside the tent in the rain. This was to be the bain of the rest of my trip as I hate soggy feet even more than I hate most of humanity. Let me tell you, that is a lot of hate.

That night Joomy got to see that her sleeping habits were not to be the problematic ones in the tent. Originally, she said that there was no way I could sleep with her because of how she sleeps. At which point I roared with laughter and pointed out the obvious: she's never tried to sleep with an Obsessive-Compulsive, tooth grinding, tent hogging, deep sleeper like me. I can sleep anywhere, any time, under any conditions. Not a single square inch of the tent went without being explored by my unconscious self. Jooms just tried to save herself.

We awoke the next day to rain. Lots and lots of rain.

I managed to borrow a fishing rod from a lovely young gentleman who supplied me with worms and everything else one needs to be catching fish. Unfortunately, no fish were to be caught, and we returned to camp to face a night of cooking over an open fire in the rain.

So, we headed out to a restaurant in town called Gus's. Roughing it? Hah. I'll cook anything in just about any condition. But to stir fry chicken and peppers in the rain? You'd have to pay me the big bucks. So, off we went to eat at Gus's. Where we were joined by a man who can only be described as the most offensive dinnermate in the world. Literally.

He spent the entire time we were eating belching. Not quiet, "Oh-crap! I'm-gonna-belch-in-public!" belches. These were loud, obnoxious, offensive, echoing belches that could have brought a caveman to tears.

Then he started hacking. Not like "Oh-dear-I've-got-a-cold-protect-the-strangers-around-me" type of hacking. It was more like "World! I have phlegm! gallons and gallons of phlegm which I am willing to share with you without your desire or consent!"

It was perhaps the most grotesqe meal I've ever eaten. I mean, the food was fine. The dude beside us? Offensive does not begin to describe him. I wanted to point out his habits to him, but Jooms hissed "Don't! He might hork on us! Pretend to eat!"

We headed back to the campsite to huddle with a group of friends under a tarp and play Truth. You just answer questions that people ask you. It's simple, funny, silly, immature, and a great way to pass the evening when there is not other shelter.

The next day we awoke to semi-sunshine, but after having been frozen and sogged for twenty four hours consecutively, Jooms and I were ready to head back to the comforts (And by comforts I mean showers and blankets) of home.


And a happy time was had by all.

Toonses