Saturday, May 27, 2006

Boys, Boys, Boys...

I've made a few decisions recently about my love life. I, being the blogger that I am, have decided to share these decisions with the world.

I will never again date someone without a car.

Go on, call me the shallow bitch that I am. I don't really care. Transportation is important to me. I don't have a car right now, and if I were to date someone with a car, how would we go on dates? You can't expect me to walk, can you?

I will never again date someone who is shorter than me. Life is just too short (excuse the pun) to be seen with someone who only comes up to your chin. Being somewhat taller than the average guy out there, this limits my options considerably. However, once you take into account the people I've dated in my life, the fish in the sea seem more and more similar to crab-like leeches, and so having my options limited isn't such a bad thing.

No more boys with baggage. No baggage here, thank you. I have my own shit to deal with, and frankly, I don't need anyone else's.

No more boys with pasts, either. I'd prefer someone who hatched from an egg yesterday, without irritating parents, siblings who hassle me when I visit, or an older sister who wants to do my hair, fix my makeup, and turn me into the perfect Barbie Doll so her brother can take me out on the town. I wear Jeans. High waisted ones that cover my back fat. I don't need some random guy's family giving me fashion advice. Or life advice. Or teaching me how to decorate my house with three pieces of yarn and an egg carton. I'm not Martha Stewart, Kate Moss, Barbie, or anyone else. I'm me, I live in a sty, and I wear my hair in ponytials.

See, I used to have no set list of standards. I used to be this person who was not shallow, who was understanding of people's problems, who allowed people to walk all over me because, well, life is tough, you know, and he's had a rough time with XYZ problem, and well, you know, he's just so nice when he's not treating me like crap.....

Honestly. I realized the other day that I do that. I was reminiscing about a certain boyfriend I had back in the day, and I was thinking: "If only he had ever picked up the phone and called, and if only he had ever shown up for one of our dates, and if only he hadn't left me sobbing and alone all the time, it would have worked out so wonderfully...."

Good grief.

That girl is gone. I'm a heartless bitch, and I love me! If you don't, well, I have a cat.

And my cat thinks I'm great.

Toonses

5 Comments:

Blogger NursePam said...

rotflmao! Keep up the good work. And never let 'em see you sweat ;^)

4:50 p.m.  
Anonymous Jummy said...

Go Amanda!

It can be a delicate line between being too picky and being too accepting and it looks like you're forming your line. I think we're all entitled to creating our ideals and then as we meet people who either surpass what we think we want or who totally make us think that celibacy is the only way to live the next 70 years of life, we adjust and readjust what we want.

And that's why all the fcukwits of the past were important to have I guess.

Have a great week!

10:56 p.m.  
Anonymous bigman78 said...

I'm taller than you. I have a car AND a truck. I don't think I have any baggage, but I do have a past. I wasn't hatched yesterday. :(

7:54 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gO Girl!! theres nothing wrong with being honest. i wish more people would be!!

azia

10:59 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you.
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10:31 p.m.  

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