Day-um, I'm sexy!!

So, I went to a bar on Friday night.

It was mediocre.

BUT I got hit on by an incredible man. We'll call him Hottie McBrownEyes. He was just lovely. He was making conversation and it was just flirty and good. You know when that happens? And you know that every word out of his mouth is pure, unadulterated bullshit, but someone's flirting with you and it just makes you feel so cool and chic?

So, Hottie McBrownEyes was sitting across the table on the patio from me. He's lighting my cigarette for me (Please: Don't kill me but I think I started smoking again) and it was just so smooth and cool. I can't describe how perfect this flirting was.

And I was thinking about how much I've changed. How I've grown from he dorky farm girl who cackles and snorts; I've gone from pony tails to having an actual hair style; I can walk in heels; (Shit, that was a lie...)

I was thinking how I am nothing like the idiotic twit I was seven months ago, who was so uncool and unchic that she got stuck in a pair of leather hooker boots in a party full of random strangers. Nothing like the idiotic twit of seven months ago who had to be cut out of leather hooker boots at a party in front of about twenty random strangers by a vegan with TOENAIL CLIPPERS. (The fact that something that touched a random stranger's feet also touched my precious hooker boots still irks me to this day. In fact, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. And now I need some valium and a glass of red wine. Washed down with scotch.)

I was just sitting there, fantasizing about how utterly cool I am.

So, Hottie McBrownEyes finished lighting my cigarette and asked "What do you do?"

Me: "Oh, pardon, I didn't hear you" (Because I was fantasizing about how cool I am...)

HMBE: "What do you do?"

Me: "Me? Oh. Well."

HMBE: *Smiles a hottie smile*

Me: "I can milk cows."

HMBE:

Me:

*Exeunt

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Toonses