I've been surprised many times in my life...
Throughout my young life, my family has lain a few surprises on me. None of them were of the "Oh, by the way, you're adopted and your native language is Swahili" nature, but they've been surprises nonetheless.
Take, for example, my Aunt. Let's pretend for a minute that her name is Carol. All my life, I hear about my Aunt Carol. She's a master knitter, she was involved in such-and-such funny story as a child, and I isn't it uncanny how I look just like my Aunt Carol....
At the age of ten, I meet my Aunt Carol.
She holds out her hand to greet me and says "Hi! I'm your Aunt Cathy!"
It took me months to get over it. To this day, there is still a Carol/Cathy dispute going on in my family. It's kind of wierd to have an Aunt in the family and no one is sure what her name is.
Next surprise?
I was raised Lutheran.
Now, my siblings and I went to a Catholic school before we went to a public school. So, my brothers are sort of more Catholic than I am, because I only went to Catholic school for one year.
I've always known that my brothers have been sort of Catholic, and sort of Lutheran. I'm cool with that. That's fine.
My mother converteed from being United when she married my dad. I've always taken comfort in the fact that my Dad and I are the ONLY ones in our family who are 100% Lutheran. What a neat thing to have in common!
Except!
Wait!
Back that truck up!
My dad is not actually Lutheran! Found that out about six months ago. Hello? Isn't this something I should know?!?! He's Baptist or some damn thing! (Not that I have anything against Baptists! I think they're great! I love them! I just didn't know my dad was one of them until I was 21.)
So, needless to say, I've been Danish all my life. It's not like you can just wake up one day and be Danish, right? So, being Danish, I'm down with all kinds of traditions.
Like drinking Akvavit, eating pickled herring, and believing in Ulinisse at Christmas time.
So, let me tell you, that I was a little shocked to wake up yesterday and be informed that spitting on people for good luck is a Danish tradition.
How come no one told me this?!?!
I'm just thinking of all the unfortunate incidents in my life.
The time the breaks on my car went three times in thirteen months? Could have been avoided by being spat on.
The time I lost all my teeth to a cycling accident?
No one spit on me on my way out the door!
That failed math class in the tenth grade?
Lack of spit!
Remember when I got arrested?
Now I have someone else to blame, Baby!
That teacher who hated me all through public school at tried to make my life miserable for years?
How come no one ever spit on me over that bitch??
I'll be fine, I'm sure.
I'm just wondering what else there is for me to know .....
Toonses
Take, for example, my Aunt. Let's pretend for a minute that her name is Carol. All my life, I hear about my Aunt Carol. She's a master knitter, she was involved in such-and-such funny story as a child, and I isn't it uncanny how I look just like my Aunt Carol....
At the age of ten, I meet my Aunt Carol.
She holds out her hand to greet me and says "Hi! I'm your Aunt Cathy!"
It took me months to get over it. To this day, there is still a Carol/Cathy dispute going on in my family. It's kind of wierd to have an Aunt in the family and no one is sure what her name is.
Next surprise?
I was raised Lutheran.
Now, my siblings and I went to a Catholic school before we went to a public school. So, my brothers are sort of more Catholic than I am, because I only went to Catholic school for one year.
I've always known that my brothers have been sort of Catholic, and sort of Lutheran. I'm cool with that. That's fine.
My mother converteed from being United when she married my dad. I've always taken comfort in the fact that my Dad and I are the ONLY ones in our family who are 100% Lutheran. What a neat thing to have in common!
Except!
Wait!
Back that truck up!
My dad is not actually Lutheran! Found that out about six months ago. Hello? Isn't this something I should know?!?! He's Baptist or some damn thing! (Not that I have anything against Baptists! I think they're great! I love them! I just didn't know my dad was one of them until I was 21.)
So, needless to say, I've been Danish all my life. It's not like you can just wake up one day and be Danish, right? So, being Danish, I'm down with all kinds of traditions.
Like drinking Akvavit, eating pickled herring, and believing in Ulinisse at Christmas time.
So, let me tell you, that I was a little shocked to wake up yesterday and be informed that spitting on people for good luck is a Danish tradition.
How come no one told me this?!?!
I'm just thinking of all the unfortunate incidents in my life.
The time the breaks on my car went three times in thirteen months? Could have been avoided by being spat on.
The time I lost all my teeth to a cycling accident?
No one spit on me on my way out the door!
That failed math class in the tenth grade?
Lack of spit!
Remember when I got arrested?
Now I have someone else to blame, Baby!
That teacher who hated me all through public school at tried to make my life miserable for years?
How come no one ever spit on me over that bitch??
I'll be fine, I'm sure.
I'm just wondering what else there is for me to know .....
Toonses
posted by Amanda at 04:04
5 Comments:
Okay, you lost me. Your mother was Lutheran... and then she converted to United and then she gave up United and became Catholic when she married your father? But why did she become Catholic when she married your father if your father is Baptist? This makes no sense.
And hey, how can you be 100% Lutheran if you went to Catholic school? This sounds like bull-roar to me. Sheesh.
See why I'm so confused?
I got in under the radar at Catholic school. I was never even a little bit Catholic. They just let me in on my charm and good looks.
My mother was born United, then converted to Lutheran to marry my Dad, who was never Lutheran in the first place. (Well, that's not true. It's just when he went to get confirmed, there were no Lutheran churches handy so they picked what was handy) Neither of them were ever Catholic, so I guess the boys got into Catholic school on account of their sister being so charming and good looking too. (Plus, our babysitter had an in at the school)
It turns out that I'm the only actual Lutheran member of my family. And for years, I thought we were woven of the same cloth.
Sigh
Toonses
I'm Baptist, you hater!
:)
Oraganized religious just causes trouble like wars for example. Why can't we just beleive hmmmm?? The world would be a better place. Do Baptists still not dance at weddings?
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