Sunday, October 12, 2008

On My New Job...

When I started my last job sometime last July or August, there was a position there that I wanted. Last December, I made it my goal to get that position, and as of September, I got it. One day after receiving official notice of my promotion and raise, I handed in my two week's notice.

Employee of the year?


Explaining my reasons for giving up my new position would take days. I could write a novel on the reasons I had to leave, and another on the reasons it felt like it was killing me to do so. The only way I can do it is to relate it back to the training of horses.

There is such a thing as overfacing young horses. Too much, too soon, too fast is the logic behind it. You need to train and work, but you also need to just chill. In a single year, I went from a person who had never worked with troubled children to a person who was supposed to manage the programming in working with said youth. Other parts of the job included managing certain aspects of the staffing. There were some other responsibilities as well.

I am twenty four years old. I am young, I am friendly, and I aim to be amicable in all interactions I have with people when I am interacting with them. As such, telling people what to do and when is not exactly my strong point. And as the promotion I was to get loomed in my mind, I knew I couldn't do it. I had several opportunities to prove myself and test the waters; I tested those waters and generally came out on top. However, as a long term position, there is no way I could continue there.

So I moved on.

I've been going to work for the last couple of weeks with a sense of freedom in my mind. I no longer have to tell people what to do. I am no longer the person that other people turn to in times of high stress. I am no longer the one who has to make decisions, and I LOVE going to work and being told what to do.

Life is generally looking up right now. At my new job, I also make a considerably higher wage, and as such, I'm looking forward to the freedoms I will have as a person with more than zero dollars in her bank account. The dollar signs are jingling before my eyes: A new saddle? A new pair of riding breeches? A new car come the spring, or perhaps another horse to add to the herd? Jeans that fit me appropriately? A few more university classes so that I can work towards my master's degree?

Sometimes I feel like this life will never work out the way I want it to work out; other times, I feel on top of the world knowing that little, itsy bitsy baby steps are all the ones I need to take so that I can work towards something more in my life.

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