Sunday, June 15, 2008

Bad at Being a Woman, Part 3,862....

As most of you know, last November I chopped off fourteen inches of hair in a desperate attempt to A) make myself presentable B) No longer be held captive by hair that is long enough to entangle itself in EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN and C) Attract my future soulmate, so that we can fall in love and live happily ever after.

Two of those items never happened (B and C, for those of you left wondering) and for a short period of time, my hair was quite presentable.

It was a process that started very early in the morning, this making myself presentable. I would wash and condition, then towel dry. Then I would work myself into a sticky sweat blow drying and poufing and teasing and curling under. Then I would apply a serum to kill the frizzies and straighten, and let me tell you, my hair has never been so shiny or coiffed or stylish.

After about a month, I realized that this making myself presentable task was A) Cutting into my sleeping time and B) Frequently causing me to be late for appointments. I also noticed that I HAD NOT YET ATTRACTED MY SOULMATE, and as a result, around February or March, I gave up on the coiffing and straightening and seruming.

Since then, I have simply been letting my hair air dry after a quick spritz with my Infusium, and things have worked out relatively well since then (Although, I must make note here, that the ending of the coiffing did not result in the finding of my soul mate, either.)

But now the time has come, that my hair is simply unruly and unmanageable and just plain not attractive. It gets stuck in my eyes, it lays on my cheeks, it frizzes at the top, and quite frankly, I'm sick of having hair at all. Further, it often blows in the path of my lighter when I'm lighting up one of my trusty ciggies, and nothing pisses me off more than SETTING MYSELF ON FIRE every time I smoke outside.

Enter the ever-popular life-saver for people like me: The hair elastic. Unfortunately, my hair is still too short to create an actual pony-tail, but fear not. I don't really care that my hair is sticking out behind my head in an unsightly clump that is too short to be cute: it is tied up and out of my face.

If this look happens to entice my future soulmate, I'll be sure to let you know, because it will be nothing short of a miracle.



Anonymous Jummy said...

Well you know what "they" (who the heck are they anyway?) say: you'll find him when you least expect it. Blah blah blah, I no longer believe this tripe.

Nevertheless, I expect you to have boy things to discuss by summer's end so all we have to do is wait a few weekr or a few months...

1:25 a.m.  

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